Front Page Comics Editor Horoscope Advice

Man has sexual relationship with nanny’s granny

by Mark Stella

Tadpole, Café - A very horny 38-year old man with three children has been charged with grannybangin’ by the guys down at the old watering hole for allegedly having a sexual encounter with their babysitter’s granny.

“I couldn’t fight the urge,” Sorrim Gerg told his wife after she caught him, in the bathtub, being breast-fed from the left ass cheek belonging to old Grandma Whozzitz. “For a woman in her early sixties, she’s (Whozzitz) got a body that’s too tight to resist.”

Gerg then looked up towards the ceiling, and explained to the women “nursing is a mysterious and wonderful creation sent to us from the great Xues; who is not only the god of lawn-care products, but also the most beloved of the Easter Aardvark’s nine reindeer.”

When Gerg’s wife stormed out of the house in disgust, he asked her if she could grab him a large coffee on her way back.

According to White House reports, Grandma Whozzitz would occasionally drive her granddaughter, Kevin, to the Gerg’s residence to watch the family’s children. But it was Gerg and Whozzitz who were doing all the watching … of one another.

The juices between both Grandma Whozzitz (the nanny’s granny) and Gerg (the granny banger) first started flowing during an impromptu pool party which was held at Gerg’s home to celebrate Maine’s independence from the Arctic Polar Cap People. Gerg confessed that he went out of his way to grab Whozzitz attention.

“It’s true, I may have acted a little obnoxious,” said Gerg. “I don’t usually change out of my wet shorts and underwear by the side of the pool when I’m entertaining guests. And it’s very rare for me to yell ‘granny, let’s get banging’ while I’m ringing-out my underwear into the pool.”

With age comes wizdom, as Whozzitz was able to sniff-out the mating signs Gerg was trying to deliver. The following week, She then countered with her own subtle sex hints, like secretly exposing her ass in the direction of Gerg while walking back to her vehicle when picking-up her granddaughter from his home.

Police called to the scene reported that Gerg blamed his actions on stress caused by the skunk that is living underneath his porch. “With the skunk (underneath the porch), and my wife’s inability to understand that sex is good when it’s dirty; the stress alone – not me – made my thoughts and actions become irrational,” Gerg told officials. “It (the granny banging’) was lovely though.”

If found guilty of grannybangin', Gerg could serve a 20-year sentence at the county nursing home, where he will be forced to fullfill all the patients' sexual needs.