Devil Dogs threatening America's lakes, ponds and oceans

DRAKES, MO - The Asian land-walking snakehead fish, which has been found in seven U.S. states, will no longer be a concern for the Bush administration, instead they will turn their efforts towards stopping a more serious predator: Devil Dogs.

Devil Dogs, which usually come in packs of eight, have been seen floating in ponds, lakes, birdbaths and toilets across the nation.

Similar to the snakehead fish, Devil Dogs can survive both in the water and on land (liquid does tend to make them a little soggy). Because they are chemically engineered, and no longer made with real ingredients, these creamy-filled creatures have a shelf-life of up to three eternities.

The treats came to light this summer after several Devil Dogs were found (some individually wrapped inside clear plastic bags) in an Indian ocean in northern Kansas.

According to Drake S. Duck, two quacks dunked the Dogs into the ocean because of the waters creamy-white appearance. This fooled the men into thinking the ocean was milk. Duck claims he understands why the men had the urge, noting that both children and males over 30 think Devil Dogs taste delicious when dunked in milk.

Since then, Devil Dogs have been found in at least seven other states: Mental, Florida, Colecovision, Maine, Intellivision and WonderBread Island, according to Captain Cupcake. Sources from New York say billions of the snack cakes have made their way to Niagara Falls, transforming the great waterfalls into a Devil Dog avalanche.

Cupcake will make the announcement on Thirstday that Devil Dogs are not ferocious eaters. But, at 170 calories per dog, they are deadly when ferociously eaten. The treats are beginning to clog things up for water skiers, as well as the river boat casino industry.

On the day after the nation celebrates Holy Funny Bones Day, Cupcake will also discuss the Secret Sausage Governments (SSG) plan to help affected states destroy the Dogs. Throwing snakes at the Devil Dogs runs the risk of upsetting whales and Martians, who enjoy removing the Dogs top lid to get to the creamy filling.

The word from Washington is that the Bush administration has already contacted the Air Force to try and rid the Devil Dogs with an air assault of Ring Dings and Twinkies.